Bonding

I feel from the start we had - because my wife had had a C-section and I had to go to Addenbrooke's from our hometown - that I was the first one there really. And it was uh, it was different from my other children where he needed me – ah well, I was the only one there - but he needed me and mum wasn't there. And with our other two children Mum was there to help look after them and they needed - our other children - needed her more. So, I feel like our bond came about a lot quicker because of the situation we were in as well. So, I found that nice - that the bond came so quickly, and I felt very paternal to him from a very, very, very quick time. INTERVIEW 55, Father

There are parts of our relationship that I definitely feel have been probably hindered by his condition and what's come of it. But then also, there's been parts of our relationships that have probably blossomed because of it as well. Because there have been times that we've been alone - quite a lot of times we've been alone, and we've just only had each other until my other son turned around, turned up - sorry. Uhm there had been, you know, sometimes in hospital where I - we've just been him and I, especially over COVID, where I actually loved it being him and I as well, because it's just one-on-one and you know, how often do you get that kind of intimate, you know? OK, it's not the best sce[nario] sitt[ing] setting or it's not the best scenario, but you know, we've definitely comforted each other as well, and so I guess it's a bit of extremes on both sides: there's been a lot of hardship, but a lot of happiness and comfort too. INTERVIEW 84, Mother

My relationship with her - obviously, I love her to bits. I found it hard dealing with a baby particularly. I find it a bit easier now she's a toddler and I can talk to her. And I suppose our relationship really is like driven by the amount of time I spend with her. So, I'm off work today and doing childcare for today. But obviously, when I'm at work, then I feel like I… she changes so much that almost, you know, I kind of know her less by the time like two weeks later I come around and spend more time with her again, it's almost like I'm, you know, learning all the ways in which she's changed. But I think we do have a good relationship. I put her to bed every night and read her a story and we get on well together. I find it difficult when she's really 'mummy-ish' and sometimes asks for mummy rather than me, uhm and I feel a bit sort of um sad about that, but overall, it's been an interesting kind of journey of fatherhood, to see how I've I suppose grown more and more in love with her as time has gone by. INTERVIEW 64, Father

I think because we understand her more now, and we know what she can and can't do, I think to start with the relationship was a little bit… so, not stressful but strained - in that she wanted things we didn't know what she wanted. She couldn't communicate very well at that point. We didn't understand what she was trying to say. But now that that's a lot easier and it's getting even easier as she gets older, because she's becoming more vocal and she's more able to do things. I think she's less frustrated and we're less frustrated and it's quite a happy household. Well, it was anyway, but it was just the odd times when we couldn't understand each other and… but now, she's very happy-go-lucky. INTERVIEW 8, Mother

I think that we have such a close connection, me and him. And I always try to spend time - 'cause he's got a little sister as well - so, I try to spend time with them individually, and we always try to read a book before bedtime, and he always wants me to tell him stories. So, we do lots of that together. And yeah, I think that we get on get on really well. If ever there, if ever he's upset or angry or cross, he'll always come to me. He will always ask for me. Because I think it's so close - our bond - I think sometimes it could hold him back a little bit, but we get on so well. He's a great kid. INTERVIEW 23, Mother

My relationship with her is very strong. We have a good bond. She, obviously she… I don't know if you know, I don't live with my family, but we are in contact probably nearly every day; I would say six out of seven days a week. She recognises who I am, she says my name, uhm, she wants a hug - emotionally seeks assurance. She is a happy girl in in general. INTERVIEW 41, Father